July.09.04: Light for the Day - "Humor" -- Psalms 86:4 "Bring joy to Your servant, for to You, O Lord, I lift up my soul." ------------------ -- A New Pastor in Town A new pastor moved into a town, and he went out one day to visit his parishioners. All went well until he came upon this one house. It was obvious that someone was home, but no one came to the door even after he had knocked several times. Finally he took out his card, wrote on the back "Revelation 3:20" and stuck it on the back of the door. Revelation 3:20:  "Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will dine with him, and he with me." Later in the week, as he was counting the offering, he found his card in the collection plate.  Below his message was the notation  Genesis 3:10:  "And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked: so I hid myself."  ------------------------ -- The Hair Cut A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said to him, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your bible a little, and get your hair cut, then we will talk about it." A month later the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said, "Son, I'm real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied your bible diligently, but you didn't get a hair cut!" The young man waited a moment and replied, "You know dad, I've been thinking about that. You know Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair." His father replied, "Yes son, and they walked everywhere they went!" -------------- -- Jaws of Life An atheist was swimming in the ocean. He saw a shark in the water and started swimming for his boat. As he looked back, he saw the shark turn and head towards him. His boat was still a ways off and he started swimming like crazy. He was scared to death, and turned to see the jaws of the great white beast open revealing its teeth in horrific splendor. The atheist screamed "Oh my God, save me!" In an instant, time froze and a bright light shone down from above. The man was motionless in the water when he heard the voice of God say, "You are an atheist. Why do you call upon me when you do not believe in me?" Aghast with confusion, and knowing it was true and he couldn't lie, the man replied "Well, that's true, I don't believe in you, but what about the shark? Can you make the shark believe in you?" The Lord replied, "As you wish," and the light retracted back into the heavens, and the man could feel the water begin to move once again. As the atheist looked back he could see the jaws of the shark start to close down on him when all of a sudden, the shark stops and pulls back. Shocked, the man looked at the shark as the huge beast closed his eyes and bowed his head, and said "Thank you Lord for this food for which I am about to receive..." -------------- A little boy was overheard praying:  "Lord, if You can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am." ----------- A five-year-old said grace at family dinner one night. "Dear God, thank you for these pancakes." When he concluded, his parents asked him why he thanked God for pancakes when they were having chicken. He smiled and said, "I thought I'd see if God was paying attention tonight."  ----------- One Sunday in a Midwest city, a young child was "acting up" during the morning worship hour. The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew but were losing the battle. Finally the father picked the little fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle on his way out. Just before reaching the safety of the foyer, the little one called loudly to the congregation, "Pray for me! Pray for me!" -------------- -- Psalms 28:7 The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song. -- Psalms 51:12 Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, And uphold me by Your generous Spirit. -- Psalms 92:4 For you make me glad by your deeds, O LORD; I sing for joy at the works of your hands. -- Proverbs 15:13 A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit. -- James 5:13 Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray. Is anyone happy? Let him sing songs of praise.